More wisdom from the road
Part 1
Courtesy and Frigging Common Sense
1) If you have an IPOD...I have one, so I understand they rock...And you want to bike or rollerblading...MAKE SURE YOU CAN HEAR ME WHEN I YELL I AM PASSING YOUR ASS, OR I WILL HAVE TO KICK YOU IN THE LEFT CHEEK.
I am serious-I will jab you good!
2) If you are passing me, and lets be clear-You have to go pretty damned fast to do this...Yell out PASSING so I can hear you too. It's a courtesy. I would do it for you.
3) If you are one of those "rollerblading Cross Country Skier Guys" watch it with those damned poles. If I get skewered with them cause your dumb ass wasn't looking where you were going, I will make sure that you will be seeing a proctologist for the removal of aforementioned items.
I promise you it will be a painful experience that will require you to attend years of therapy!
4) bicycles-Quit blowing through stopsigns and lights-Especially if you are doing so when I am crossing legally. I was almost hit by one of you today, and I promise you this:
I WILL curse you out, and do my best to embarrass you in front of your girlfriend and everyone and:
Ladies, I promise that I am an equal opportunity asshole, and will do the SAME TO YOU if you do it too.
Yes its true. I am imposing my newfound enlightenment on all of you because I am right, and its just the American way to impose our will on the masses.
If I did any of the above things myself, I would fully expect same or similar treatment, and would never expect to be treated differently if I screw up.
So there!
12 comments:
i'd have to say all of your beefs seems completely reasonable. and i've had one of those things rammed up my butt, and yes, it hurts. except i did it on purpose.
I have definitely met my match with you my dear!
um........never mind....
I agree. Sometimes ya just gotta..
are you challenging me to a duel?
Oh HELL no-You'd kick my ass~Thus the "met my match" comment
in lex's situation, i go a little further...once i cut in front of the cellphone driver on the freeway, i get a couple of apparatuses to secure both the steering wheel and the gas pedal. then i open the window, crawl out the side, get on top of the roof (by the way, this is while going 70mph-thereabouts. NOTE; its important to do this with as little traffic as possible).
i then leap onto his vehicle ala-road warrior style, commandeer his vehicle, open his door and throw him out the side. i then proceed to get on the phone with the moron the driver was speaking to, and call that person a no-talent assclown and fornicator of small dogs.
i hang up, drive along my vehicle (this is while i'm driving his car on the shoulder of the freeway), open the passenger side window, leap back into my car and watch his car roll into a ditch.
oh and by the way, assless chaps and a mohawk is optional attire.....
Good one Jams! I would like to STRONGLY suggest though that you leave the ASSLESS chaps at home-But go ahead with the mohawk!
jamwall-i agree. anyone who would fornicate with small dogs should know better.
Hi there I saw your comment from Cher's blog site, and YOU caught my eye! lol Cutie patootie! lol Don't owrry I'm not hitting on you I have a long term B/F.... anyway if you're looking for pathetic comical bloggin styles check mine out too, Cher and I have quite the same sense of humour! ttyl
Tan
DAMN! why do all the cute girls who think I AM CUTE have a frigging Boyfriend and live 1,000 miles away from me?!?!?!?!?!
(Sticking a sharp stick in my eye)
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